Secret girl

”Bang Bang!” Behind the wall,
my phone’s “good mornin’” call.
I don’t know yet where I am,
but the sugary smell is no new.

And radio is playing our song,
this feels wrong.
House is quiet, and apartment empty,
in your bed alone.
It’s been so long,
when this was only a bad habit.
But now I can’t let go,
Of the love you offer.

I know I should get up,
face the day
and be like everything’s okay.
My mind is playing the movie of our last night.
God, I feel no alright.
Why did you run out of my sight?
You’re not out of my mind…
Or did you leave to face the world?
I’m only a secret girl.

Moment’s melancholy feeling,
my thoughts reeling.

So you could remember me tonight, I kiss your pillow, leave a “thank you” note.
With my tears I paint your floor.
Where are the roses?
Clothes on,
out of the door.
I try to hide away from your neighbours.

Running through the rain,
feeling the pain,
in my head and heart.
Wish I could always live between the reality and sleep.
Like we together do,
our bond fragile, silent… honestly too deep.
In the street,
there’s people lookin’ at me.
Like they knew my weakness and fear,
for love what I still need.

I escape to home from sympathy.
I try to forget all.
And when night again falls,
I want to melt into my bed.
I leave the cd to play our song.
It would be so much easier if we had never met.
I would be strong.

Where are you now?
What are you thinking?
My love?

Normally I call you at this hour,
but love tonight I need to be lonely.
You won’t mind I know.
Even your answering machine,
doesn’t need my whisperings.
I’m anyway only your secret girl.

Another day goes passing by,
I still sit alone with your picture in my hand and wondering why.
I even try,
to count on the times
I wanted to say goodbye.
I wanted to have a peace of mind,
without you.
You’re my denied dream,
so bitter and oh so sweet.
Suffering side-effects from your absence in my bad dreams.
I want to share the love and feel,
again.
There are some wounds you can’t heal,
but even I don’t know where this journey will lead.
Maybe I should jump in..
Guess it's meant to be...
Even if I was only your secret girl.