PAULA

Writer: John.
A paper notebook to & about Paula.
North Carolina. April 2026. Via snail mail.
All rights belong to me.


PAULA by JOHN

I

I DIDN'T SEE.
I WAS IN A DREAM.
IT WAS A NIGHTMARE,
AN ALL-AMERICAN
PSYCHOLOGY TEST.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU
UNTIL I SAW YOU
ALMOST FADE AWAY
WITH SOME GIGOLO.

II

[HEART SYMBOL] IS A TEST.
IT DOESN'T GIVE
YOU A REST.
I WAS SURE IT WAS
AN INSTITUTION,
A CHEAP TRICK TO
ENSLAVE THE IDIOTS.

BUT ARE YOU
AN IDIOT,
AND WHY HAVEN'T
YOU CRIED ME
A RIVER?

III

BROTHER BEN TOLD ME
THAT I WAS
OVER-REACTING,
OVER-THINKING,
MAKING SOMETHING
OUT OF NOTHING
WHEN I TOLD HIM
ABOUT THE NEAR
HEART ATTACK
I GOT WHEN I SAW
YOU POSING WITH
THAT BLONDE
MOTHERFUCKER,
A FAKE PRIEST.

IV

IF A BLONDE MF
AND A SPANISH MF
CAN MIRROR DREAMS
WITH YOU,
WHY CAN'T I?

I WAS HERE FIRST,
BUT MY MIND WAS
PROGRAMMED
TO SEE FAULTS
IN THE TECH DREAMS.

V

I CAN'T TALK TO YOU
- A HARD-ON.
YOU TORTURE ME
WITHOUT KNOWING
IT.

VI

I TOLD YOU ABOUT
MY MORNING WOOD,
AND YOU TOLD ME
IT WAS GOOD
- I USED
      COCONUT
   BUTTER
     TO FEEL.

VII

I CAN'T BE
WHERE I USED
TO BE.

                                               MY OLD SELF
                                               FADED AWAY.

I'M SITTING IN
THE CHAPEL,
LISTENING TO
THE REV'D,
AND I FEEL
YOUR LOVE.

VIII

YOU FELL INTO
MY ARMS,
AND MY WORLD
COLLAPSED.
                  NO MORE "CRAZY JOHN."
  I AIN'T CRAZY
                                     - THOSE WHO HURT YOU ARE!
      
SOMETIMES,
   I WISH YOU'D
        TELL ME TO STOP,
BUT NO.
                       I WANT TO EAT YOU UP.