I
It shouldn't have surprised me that much
how it all ended (up)
Because I knew we were not going forward
Actually we kinda stood still for years
and to be honest we even took some steps backward
But it was nice, standing still with you
when everything else in my life just spun around wildly
Unexpectedly
Boy, it was nice having something constant in my life
And I always felt so safe with you
Even when I was scared and felt lost
Because lost I was
Adrift
But always
you were there
I was out on the ocean
and you were my horizon
It didn't really make any difference
because I still was adrift and lost and out on the ocean
But seeing you all the time had a calming effect on me
I wasn't lost alone
You were lost with me
And when it was stormy and the waves got so high and wide I started to feel sick
I could focus my eyes on you and instantly feel better
Even if you didn't really do anything to help me
II
You were a horizon
Cause no matter how much I tried to make some progress
in myself as a person
or on the distance between us
I never caught you
You were always just out of my reach
And when I finally saw some land
after floating around on the ocean
Instead of relieved, I felt terrified
I had a chance to stop being so lost out on the sea
but that meant I had to let you go
Let go of chasing you
Giving up
on us
You said I should do it
Step out of my boat
Find a place where I'd feel at ease
A soil that wouldn't fight back if I felt good enough to put down my roots
You said I should do it
And in that case I would
It wasn't easy to decide to act that way
But I took a step away from you
Got out of my boat
I hesitated for a while
For so long I had lived
feeling the waves under me
How could I ever get used to
something that wouldn't rock me to sleep?
III
I looked over my shoulder
One last goodbye
My unreachable horizon
The only thing keeping me sane
or just not letting me lose it
But you were still there
You always will be
But I stopped trying to reach you
and abandoned you and our ocean
so I was not lost anymore
What worried me the most
was that the waves wouldn't rock me to sleep
so would I ever sleep again?
I stayed on the beach
Near the ocean that made me so unhappy
but was the only place that ever felt like home
You never wanted to hurt me
It was just a byproduct
of you not knowing how or being able to treat me the way I needed
The way I yearned for
not only your touch
but also feeling the warmth in your words
the affection in your eyes
being sure that this wasn't just one of those stories
that ended in tears and heartbreak
and not being able to listen to the songs that reminded me of you
of us
of happier times
IV
I stayed on the beach and looked at you
knowing you were still lost
And that you chose to be the horizon
Always unreachable, still always around
Because you couldn't handle more
You were ready to walk beside me
but not for the paths I wanted to travel
So you made me leave
hoping I'd find someone who would
not just walk beside me
but carry me through the harder parts
A real companion
not just a horizon
I sighed and turned my back to the ocean
and to you too
My feet felt heavy as I started to walk
and my heart even heavier
The sound of waves getting quieter every step
The familiar scent of the ocean fading away
I could finally hear my thoughts
I could finally breathe
It shouldn't have surprised me that much
how it all ended (up)
Because I knew we were not going forward
Actually we kinda stood still for years
and to be honest we even took some steps backward
But it was nice, standing still with you
when everything else in my life just spun around wildly
Unexpectedly
Boy, it was nice having something constant in my life
And I always felt so safe with you
Even when I was scared and felt lost
Because lost I was
Adrift
But always
you were there
I was out on the ocean
and you were my horizon
It didn't really make any difference
because I still was adrift and lost and out on the ocean
But seeing you all the time had a calming effect on me
I wasn't lost alone
You were lost with me
And when it was stormy and the waves got so high and wide I started to feel sick
I could focus my eyes on you and instantly feel better
Even if you didn't really do anything to help me
II
You were a horizon
Cause no matter how much I tried to make some progress
in myself as a person
or on the distance between us
I never caught you
You were always just out of my reach
And when I finally saw some land
after floating around on the ocean
Instead of relieved, I felt terrified
I had a chance to stop being so lost out on the sea
but that meant I had to let you go
Let go of chasing you
Giving up
on us
You said I should do it
Step out of my boat
Find a place where I'd feel at ease
A soil that wouldn't fight back if I felt good enough to put down my roots
You said I should do it
And in that case I would
It wasn't easy to decide to act that way
But I took a step away from you
Got out of my boat
I hesitated for a while
For so long I had lived
feeling the waves under me
How could I ever get used to
something that wouldn't rock me to sleep?
III
I looked over my shoulder
One last goodbye
My unreachable horizon
The only thing keeping me sane
or just not letting me lose it
But you were still there
You always will be
But I stopped trying to reach you
and abandoned you and our ocean
so I was not lost anymore
What worried me the most
was that the waves wouldn't rock me to sleep
so would I ever sleep again?
I stayed on the beach
Near the ocean that made me so unhappy
but was the only place that ever felt like home
You never wanted to hurt me
It was just a byproduct
of you not knowing how or being able to treat me the way I needed
The way I yearned for
not only your touch
but also feeling the warmth in your words
the affection in your eyes
being sure that this wasn't just one of those stories
that ended in tears and heartbreak
and not being able to listen to the songs that reminded me of you
of us
of happier times
IV
I stayed on the beach and looked at you
knowing you were still lost
And that you chose to be the horizon
Always unreachable, still always around
Because you couldn't handle more
You were ready to walk beside me
but not for the paths I wanted to travel
So you made me leave
hoping I'd find someone who would
not just walk beside me
but carry me through the harder parts
A real companion
not just a horizon
I sighed and turned my back to the ocean
and to you too
My feet felt heavy as I started to walk
and my heart even heavier
The sound of waves getting quieter every step
The familiar scent of the ocean fading away
I could finally hear my thoughts
I could finally breathe
Selite:
Jotkin asiat on vaikea kokea. Toiset asiat on vaikea purkaa sanoiksi. Tämä oli molempia.
oletus
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