Midian

How do you understand the twinflame process?

 

This is an interesting question

and my answer is going to be a looong rant

straight from the heart, so please forgive me and brace yourselves.
 

’ight, so let's cut to the chase, shall we?

How do I understand the twinflame

process?

To be perfectly honest…

I don't. Like... At. All.
 

It fails all my thinking processes
and defies all logic.
So I believe it's not something to

be understood to begin with.
Not with the rational mind anyway.
(Learned that the hard way,
but learned I did….)
Rather it's something to feel deep within the soul and one's bone marrow.
I believe it's the soul’s journey to know itself
and to be whole.
At least this is my own experience.
 

It has very little to do with romance or

regular type of relationship, even thought

that can play a part in it
(I've heard lovely

stories of twins getting married and having

babies etc)

*deep sigh*

Yet, even without these elements,
it's the most romantic thing ever,
at least for me.
Not physically, per se,

but emotionally, energetically and spiritually.
It's the most intimate thing
I've ever done with my clothes on!

No kiddin'.

 

When I first heard the term

twinflame in 2012 it just

"made sense to me"
in the most bizarre way,
giving my own unique situation,
that had been on-going more or less
since I first saw him in 2002,
a frame to work within.
It gave me certain sort of freedom to

explore myself and this journey,
to experiment, make mistakes and learn

from them.
’Cause, fvck it, if he's my

twinflame it will all be good in the end and if

not who the eff cares anyway, right?!

 

Anyway, he has been my bedrock

and consolation on so many levels
and put up with my utter craziness
so many times with patience of an angel

and obstination of a gargoyle.

He's also the most potent mirror
who's shown me (knowingly or unknowingly)

the depths of my own self and all

those things I need to heal.
It's not an easy journey
but I love him more than my

words can ever even begin to express!

 

I've last spoken with him

briefly over 5 years ago yet not a

single day goes by without me

thinking of him or feeling him near.
We are still in contact with each other

from time to time
but not very directly

(it's silly, I don't know what on earth

made us this way..!)
But anyway, it's the strangest thing!

Sometimes I fear
I've lost the connection.
Sometimes I hope
it never existed to begin with.
Sometimes I wish
I could just run to him
but I know he'd probably just freak out
or get pissed or torn by inner conflicts
and it would lead nowhere, so….
I try to work on myself,
to send him love and light

and little messages through the ether

where ever he might be
and who ever he might be with,
and to trust this process
with everything I got.
I know he loves me, too.
In his own way.
I've always felt it.
And that gives me strength
when the night gets dark.

 

No one ever told me this

would be easy but nonetheless
I am still willing to walk this path with him.

Through hell or high water.
Because I want to.
Because I have no other choise.
Because I feel it's my most

precious duty to do so
even when I have no friggin' idea
how it's even done!
I just stumble in the dark and

then someone or something always

picks me up.
It's like magic or a miracle
and it makes me want to

believe in the unbelievable so hard my

bones hurt!

 

So how I understand the twinflame

process?

It's pure madness distilled,

excrutiating and lonely.
It can also be very frightening sometimes
when you are forced to face
all your demons and

woundings and somehow to survive

them without a proper guide by your side
other than your own bleeding heart.
 

Nobody believes or understands you
even if you did muster some courage
to be open about it all
but probably thinks you're just bat sh*t crazy.
Then you think they are probably right
and feel awful about it and yourself.
All the things you've said

and done haunt you and then all the

things you've never had the courage 

to do or say haunt you some more.
 

Often times I've just wished I could

quit. Just say: "Fuck this sh*t, I'm

out..!" And believe me, I've tried to do

so several times but to no avail. 

I always get sucked right back in!
 

The Universe or God (or what the h*ll

one wishes to call the higher power)

just gives me a new bone to chew on,

a new puzzle to go figure.

And apparently I am just crazy enough to

take it & the infinite game is back on

whether I like it or not!

 

Just like now. 

All of a sudden the synchronicities 

are over the roof making me go bonkers 

and in a mystical (and often very fvcked up)

way it all makes sense again.
Yet at the same time I feel like an utter fool

trapped in sensual seductions and

dust in the wind. Confused. Certain.

Exhausted. Eager. Happy & Sad.

 

Filled with all these unnerving emotion 

I don't even have the vocabulary for,

and pure awe to the one thing I know
I can never ever truly get away from,

because it's embedded
so deep within me that it would be like amputating my own living beating heart
with a blunt knife should I ever
be tempted to try it.

And that mere thought is the only

solace when the night gets dark:
"I will never leave you."
Unfortunately the very same thought
can also be the

source of my howling madness
and pain all at the same time.
It's the monster in the dark,
the angel on my shoulder
and everything else I've never even
been able to imagine before
and it just keeps me hanging on.
And for what?
I honestly don't know
but I still soldier on.
Because that's the kinda crazy
this process teaches you to be.

So this process is the

most beautiful and nerve wrecking

journey I've ever been on and it has

taught me so much.

 

About courage, faith, strength,
tenderness, patience,

love…
Coming in terms with myself

and the irrationality and absurdity of

my own psyche and this world we live

in. It has taugh me to be vulnerable

and sincere and fierce.
It has taught me to trust myself
and the force that rules me.
It has also taugh me acceptance
and unconditional love for

myself as well as for my beloved.
I still have a lot to learn and heal
but I am happy to do so
knowing that it will be,

not only for me or him,
but for the collective as well,
and the whole we are all sparks from.
 

This journey in all it's gory

glory is the defenition of sacred to me

and my most precious possession.
I just wish it can be that
to my beloved as well.
I wish he's happy and content

and doing all those things that give

him meaning and purpose whether

that be with or without me.

 

I love him from here to eternity with a

love that is more than love. I hope he

knows this.

 

So here's one more song for you to

compensate the rant: 

Yaima - Our Game

 

☮️💟🤘🏼